


Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

by BD_Z



Category: Beetlejuice (1988), Beetlejuice (TV 1989), Beetlejuice - All Media Types, Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Crossover, F/M, Multiverse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-06
Updated: 2020-01-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:20:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22152409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BD_Z/pseuds/BD_Z
Summary: Saying his name three times can cause some serious trouble. Lydia Deetz knows this, but soon she is going to discover that the universe is a strange, unusual and yet wonderful place to exist. There is only one problem... this isn’t her universe. To heck with Kansas, Lydia Deetz is going to realize real fast that there is no place like home.
Relationships: Beetlejuice & Lydia Deetz, Beetlejuice/Lydia Deetz
Comments: 27
Kudos: 103
Collections: Fav Recs





	1. Chapter 1

It was officially the freakiest afternoon. Lydia Deetz, strange and unusual resident of Peaceful Pines, found herself staring at a sign that chilled her to the core.

Perhaps she should have seen it as an ordinary occurrence. Just words. It was not alive nor spewing globs of spit while announcing a sale. This sign was oddly uneventful. Normal, if not for the implications that lay beyond the door to a rather disturbing shop.

Alternative Reality!  
Your world is not alone.

Lydia felt a surge of panic and uncertainty fill her, leaving her with the urge to turn back and run to her trusty Dragster of Doom.

Something about this store made her itch and not in the fun way with the messed up powder that her prankster best friend liked to use. This itch made her feel like something terrible was about to happen and if one this was for certain in the Neitherworld, it was the Lydia Deetz knew it was best to trust her guts.

Though there was a possibility that she was overreacting. After all she did not have the urge to spew chunks like when a Sandworm came barreling down the streets of town. So it wasn’t exactly 'Bad' per se but the feeling was not entirely reassuring. whatever they encountered here would be something more complicated than their usual chaotic life… err and afterlife.

Lydia turned to her companion with a weak and uncertain smile on her black and red-colored lips. She could tell he wasn't fazed one bit as the floating ghost beside her landed on his feet, scratching his rump for good measure, and smiled wider in return. He showed off every single tooth in his rotten mouth in an attempt to reassure her.

It didn't help.

"Beetlejuice, I don't know about this…"

"Pfft, It's a store filled with books and movies..." With a dramatic wave of his hand, he pulled the door open and held it for her. "If anything is gonna help you crack that writer's block-"

"I’ve had writer's block before and you’ve never brought me to a place like this. Really, Beej. Let's just go home and I'll make us some popcorn and we can watch a flick. The story isn't due for at least a couple of months."

Beetlejuice paused in his steps and turning his head to give her a leer that gave her shivers. Subtle tingles that began in her lower belly and blossomed in her chest with a startling affection for the creep.

"Scared, Babes?" He grinned again. "You afraid to find out that you and I have a little thing going on in another world? Come on, what's the worst that can happen?"

His cackle rattled her, eliciting a rush of blood through her system. With a mortifying flush to her cheeks, she released a shakey resigned sigh. "Famous last words."

* * *

Crushing guilt often leads to curiosity and unfortunately for Lydia Deetz, watching a sandworm crash through the living room roof and eat her less than charming groom made her feel like this most deplorable human being in existence.

Stupid really. She didn't do anything wrong. She just wasn’t ready to marry the creep. The ghost's manipulation tactic was an underhanded move that reeked of Mischief and Mayhem. Had circumstances been different, Lydia had to admit that he was fascinating with his extraordinarily powerful haunting abilities.

But that was not how things played out. No, the Ghost who promised her a trip to the other side took a path that Lydia was not prepared to counter. Her agreement was under duress and he should have expected interference but that look on his face made her feel worse than if she initiated the con herself.

Survivors guilt? No. That's wrong. She wasn't a survivor exactly, and he was already dead. There was something to be said for a man, dead or alive, who would manipulate a sixteen-year-old into maternity. Connecticut laws of consent be damned, no one should do that regardless of age. Had she been twenty-one it still would have been a cruel trick.

But … and here was the real kicker. He actually talked her out of joining the dead. He was disturbed by her craving for the end of her life. One simple look of confusion and a question was enough to give her pause that he was a malicious evil monster.

Was that look part of his elaborate con? Maybe, but He would have cared if she lived or died after he was set free?

Thanks to the handbook, she was able to look into another path. What if she had called him out before Adam and Barbra came to scare her family from the house with those grotesque faces?

What sort of potential was there between her and a ghost too gross and creepy and so very "night of the living dead."

There was only one way to find out.

* * *

Married! How could she still be married to that creep?!

Lydia Deetz was enraged when she discovered that the murder of her newly wedded husband didn't do shit to dissolve their union. All she got out of it was a few years of peace before she turned eighteen.

He didn't do anything to her. On the contrary, he was on his best behavior, and he waited for her every day after school. Granted, she enjoyed his company, but that's all — the company.

So what was the issue?

Unwanted attraction. Not him to her but her to him! It grossed her out to no end as she realized in the short amount of time since his return that the familiar sense of excitement and adrenaline was not due to scaring the shit out of her father's clients.

And of course, it took one single hand on her shoulder and a smooch to her cheek to realize just how close she let herself get to the demon turned human turned ghost. It freaked her out!

There was only one thing to do. She had to get the handbook from Adam and Barbra. She needed to find something - anything- to break their marriage vows before she completely fell for the creepy old guy.

Luckily, Adam and Barb were sleeping soundly in their attic bed when she opened their door and tiptoed inside. She picked up the book off the nightstand and made her way to their bed. With careful precision, she took Adam's hand and used his fingers to push the cover open. Success.

She controlled her emotions and enthusiasm as she crept right back out of the attic space, letting her friends sleep.

Why did they sleep? She wondered but soon found herself distracted as she sat upon the steps between the top floor and attic. She flipped the pages casually till she found a spell. Something different than the one where she attempted to bring her mother back to life.

As she read the words, she felt her ghostly husband approach before the final syllable escaped her lips.


	2. Hey Babes, Babe, Lyds?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my apologies, I tapped that this was a response for alternate universe requests for More than a Beetle but that was a mistake. The story for ArtofSuicide is a movie verse story that I have yet to start. 
> 
> This fun crack fic is in progress just like Three Kids.. Piquancy is done but we are waiting for illustrations. :)

Maybe things wouldn't be so bad. The store did have a varied clientele of patrons ranging from creatures to monsters to humanoid ghouls.

No one looked upset or unnerved, and a few people had dreamy expressions on their faces as they sat in corners with a volume of text in their hands. 

"Good afternoon, How May we help you today?" 

Lydia and BJ looked up into the three faces of a creature wearing a large and rather stuffy maroon sweater. In the top right corner of which had the name Archivist stitched into the fabric.

The Three inquisitive faces analyzed them when Lydia offered up a greeting.

"My friend and I were looking for… alternative inspiration." She near questioned that last of her phrase as she looked at Beej. His grin was wide and practically hungry. 

"Oh, boy… I have wanted to do this for a long time." He rubbed his hands together before shooting up to the eye level of the three faces (with three of his own) and shouted in a loud three sourced voice, "We need the official alternative for Lydia Deetz and the Ghost with THEEEE most!"

"Beetlejuice!" Mortified, Lydia backed away, but the archivists only shook their three heads as if they got this kind of treatment often. 

"Two lefts and a right. Archived under… yech…. Beetlejuice." 

"Thank you," Lydia offered the creature a polite goodbye but found that they were dismissed without much fanfare. This left Lydia with only one choice. To follow that ghost of hers into who knew what chaotic venture …

"Lyds! I found it!"

Startled at the speed in which her ghost moved, Lydia walked down a narrow row of bookshelves stuffed with more crap than the bookshelves at the roadhouse. Lydia could easily see Beej’s name plastered on the books thrown down to her from the top shelf, followed by a second. With a frown, she noted that some of them had the spelling of the star “Betelgeuse” and not the name to which she had grown so fond.

Cautiously, Lydia picked up the first book with the unusual spelling. She looked up at Beej as he continued to rifle through books at breakneck speed.

“What are you looking for?” She called up to him.

“The dirty stuff. I know it’s in here somewhere.” 

Burning red with embarrassment as she noted the disgusted scoffs of someone in a different aisle, “Beetlejuice, get down here now before I home.”

“But Babes! Don’t you wanna know what kind of crazy, hot ...”

“No, I don’t,” her face was burning. “I swear you have a one-track mind going straight to a gutter. Keep this up and I’ll have a talk with your Will Power about reigning your urges in all together.”

His groan of disappointment was rather adorable if she were, to be honest, and she dared to let herself feel smug at the notion.

Looking back down at the book in her hands she thought of the “what if”. Had circumstances had been different, would they be friends? What if he met her when she was older? Would they have had this? Would he see her as more than a mere playmate to tease and torment? With his crazy need to make her blush ever increasing as she grew older indicate that he would treat her like an adult had she called him into her life at eighteen rather than eleven?

As she held the book written in the official spelling of Betelgeuse, the way he was always supposed to spell it but changed it so as not to embarrass the young girl she had once been. He was a mystery even to her after all these — 

She was unable to finish her thought because, as Lydia opened the book, a flash of light hit her, sending her into a spiral until she landed on a soft surface.

A room?!

A bedroom. How did she get home so quickly?

Lydia scanned the room, taking note of the lack of horror movie posters and the subtle shift in the purple of her walls. There was something very, very wrong with the room's decor and her balcony was missing! 

"Mother.." Lydia groaned before pushing herself off the bed. She went to the bedroom door, opened it, then closed it faster than she ever had before. "This isn't my house."

Lydia ran back to the middle of the room and circled the environment looking for anything with a name on it when her eyes landed on a notebook and two volumes of Neitherworld text.

A letter had been carefully set upon the notebook, enticing her to read the contents. She found herself drawn to it instantly and as she began to read her blood chilled in her veins.

"By the time you read this, I will have gone to the other side. I have cheated HIM from his due and I owe it to you both… to all of you if I call him just once. 

If I am not here, I do not know if I will ever return but please, don't worry. I will be ok. He needs me alive."

Lydia picked up the notebook off the table and flipped the pages to an earlier entry.

“I, Lydia Deetz, am full of loss and sorrow, though this day is not so far gone that I will end my existence. I got an A in math today to which Barbra, Adam and I celebrated but I can't help this growing unease that the monster is still within these walls. I feel him. I can hear him and I think he wants me to call him.-“

"No!" Lydia slipped the pages through her fingers. Passage after passage, Lydia lamented a life without Beej. He wasn't in anything not once mention of his name but…. she, the other she, had to be talking about him. Right? This couldn’t be her life. She couldn’t have never met him.

She slammed the notebook against the mirror, realizing it looked nothing like the vanity at home after all. She could see every difference. This was NOT her world!

"Beetlejuice!" She cried out and did so two more times.

Lydia curled into a ball as she sat on her haunches in the middle of the room. She almost didn't hear the steps of boots, worn and dirty, as they became visible in her line of sight. Relieved she jumped to her feet and threw her arms around the familiar smell of grave dirt and must. 

"Beej." She cried out in his coat… not stripes… "I know I never say it but I'm really freaking out this time."

A dark chuckle emanated from the solid mass of chilled flesh, as a rough pair of hands gripped her shoulder before wrapping around her small form. Her belly flipped when he began to speak.

"Ya know toots, I'm impressed ya had the guts to call me back."

The arms around her body began to tighten uncomfortably before Beetlejuice, wait—— not Beetle—- 

Startled Lydia looked up into the face of a man covered in moss and rot. His face much more mature and pale though his eyes had the familiar dark rings of a dead man. His snarling lips stretched into a toothy grin exposing the dirty teeth and apparent gingivitis, surprisingly free of beetle legs. 

"Come on, give daddy some sugar." He planted his mold crusted lips on her in a thick and sloppy kiss.

* * *

"He needs me alive," Lydia repeated to herself as she looked at the note so carefully written. Her eyes glanced briefly over her journal knowing that her family only needed to read the passages inside to understand the complex thoughts that led her to this moment. Most assuredly it would be Barbra or Adam who would notice that she had vanished after only a day. Her father and stepmother would hardly notice as they were often taking trips back to the city for Delia’s art shows. 

Guilt over the disappointment Mr. and Mrs. Maitland would undoubtedly feel began to eat at her as she envisioned the way Barbra's fingers would curl into Adam's black and white shirt. Perhaps, one day, they would forgive her. 

Lydia returned to her bed after making certain her notes would be in an easily discovered location. She chose her bed as a soft place to lay while she fell into the meditative state the spell required. The floor was hard and her chair hardly counted as comfortable. 

Slowly breathing in and out, Lydia began to speak words that she hoped would not leave her in a shriveled mess with only the power of an undead monster to revive her.

"As these words are spoken, I offer up my place as token; reveal to me a path beyond my reality."

Blinding light caused Lydia to close her eyes tight and she felt herself shift and move, her body tumbling forward till she felt two strong arms wrap around her body as they both fell hard onto the planks of hardwood flooring. 

"Oh god." She groaned wincing as she stood up to dust off her black smock. The lace of her petticoat was torn underneath. Even if it hadn't been for the sound of ripping fabric she would have noticed as she could feel loose and tickling fabric against her leg. 

A gravely male voice groaned into her ear which only caused her to laugh at the sensation of tingles down her neck before pushing at the weight of the offender. 

"You ok, Honey muffin?" The man spoke only to be graced with one of Lydia’s sarcastic and derisive snorts.

“That's a new one. Who… oh!"

She looked at the man who had broken her fall and felt herself take several steps back till she hit the solid wooden planks of the hallway wall. Wooden planks, not wallpaper. Her eyes were wide as so took in the surrounding environment and the man before her. The man, who didn't touch her, but rather he held his hands up in a show of surrender. He didn't look at all like she remembered. This jovial face, with hair, tinged a light purple that slowly changed to a shade of blush the longer she stared at him, began to soften. He offered her a disarming quirk of the lips while his eyes… Those were his eyes.

With a gulp, Lydia forced herself from the wall behind her and approached the ghost of her nightmares and… frankly, her dreams. Was he always so soft and round? Did he always have this wild untamed quality that appeared much more unstable than the suave con man she met on the roof of a whore house? He looked at her like he knew more about her than he let on.

"Lydia?" The ghost spoke as if confused though he soon brushed it off as a wide grin grew to expose his teeth. They were sharper than she remembered, practically demonic and creepier than she could ever have imagined.

"Oh Lyds, Babe. You didn't need a makeover to make me love ya more than I already do but I appreciate the effort. I dig the old school vibe you got going on and god/Satan help me you are still fucking hotter than a pitchfork in a kiln."

"Betel-" was all she could get out before he took a step closer to her and reached out till he took her hand, pulling her along with him.

"Come on! We gotta show this to Delia. She is going to shit herself! Wait-" He stopped in his tracks while his eyes searched the stairs. "Didn't you have a book?"

* * *

Beetlejuice had looked so concerned when he found her in the hallway but before she could even finish the words, the power began to swarm around her, tingling in places she would rather not think about, and then the light… a blinding light flashed. 

Had she been as weak-hearted at the neighborhood girl scout they nearly killed, then Lydia was certain that finally, she was dead. No honorary dead but dead dead deadski. Full-on ghost on the other side sort of deal because the surroundings were not normal.

Lydia stood up, taking in the books that had fallen all around her and the twisted shelving that held miles repeated names. Her eyes fell to the disaster at her feet seeing the name of her demonic husband scattered along with her own name. There were several books wide open displaying images and texts and - oh god, that better not be porn.

"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," She muttered to herself while taking stock of the aisles and trippy textured tile flooring that not only seemed to move but was littered with more crap than Beetlejuice's basement hideout.

She felt a chill go down her back when her name was screamed out with a shrill panic that could only come from her demon. He called her by various names, oddly enough without all the affectionate saccharine ones that he had been using lately. But rather than complain at the lack of "sugar lump" inspired names she called out to him. 

"Beetlejuice! I'm here. I don't know where here is, but I'm here. Can you hear me?" She called out his name again.

"Wait! Hang on Lyds, I'll find ya just don't say my name again."

Lydia snorted and shrugged before kicking the pile of books out of her way with her boots. She was glad she didn't wear something stupid like flats or heels like Delia wanted. Her boots caused more destruction anyway and a devilish smile appeared on her face as she watched the pages of a dropped file strewn themselves across the floor.

Through the corner of her eye, she spotted a zooming flash of black and white stripes on the opposite side of a bookshelf.

"Hey," she called and the strip of zebra patterning slowed to a stop. 

"That you, Babes?"

"Who else would it be?" she snarked and grinned when she heard his gasp of horror at her rude tone. Then to her discomfort, he sniffled and cried out. 

"I have never been so proud. My rudeness is rubbing off on ya." A loud guffaw exploded from the other end of the shelving as a loud pop sounded and a man in a striped suit… most definitely not the one she knew, floated before her.

If her jaw could drop, then it would have hit the floor. However his could, and it did. 

"Who the hell are you?" Lydia snapped at him while he scrambled to pick his jaw up off the ground.


	3. Not Kansas pt.1

When a girl imagines her first kiss, she pictures a wide variety of factors. The person, the setting and the years of pent up frustration releasing into a flurry of emotions. Perhaps it would be awkward but in the end, it will be with the person she hoped would return her feelings. 

There would be a peck, a tiny experiment, and then they would laugh nervously at their flushed expressions. Accepting the realization that they finally crossed that line between friendship and more.

This was nothing like that.

Beetlejuice held Lydia’s body with the confidence of someone who knew what he wanted, and boy did he want. She might be inexperienced but she knew exactly what was happening when something hard pressed against her body. He kissed her with no hesitation in his actions, while his tongue started to invade her mouth, pushing her beyond any form of intimacy Lydia had ever known. Her eyes fluttered open and closed as she was registering the tumult inside her.

This was Beej and… it wasn't. This was her ghost. Her best friend but… it wasn't. He was kissing her. He wanted her. She wasn't imagining this.

However, when she experimentally returned his kiss, Lydia realized she'd made a big mistake. His hands began wandering up her body, and had she been wearing a dress instead of her bodysuit, he might have slipped under it. Not that it mattered, she could feel his hand slip across her rump and between her thighs to lift her leg.

Lydia squeaked into his mouth and smacked the frisky ghost upside the head.

"Hey! Whoa!"

"Beetlejuice, if you ever do that again, I'll tell your mother you need a bath!" Lydia, panting from the exertion and excitement, placed her hand upon her heart to settle it and looked up to see a dumbfounded, angry, and confused expression of the ghost she summoned. Had this face been on any other creature, she would have been concerned, but the changes were so slight… it was still BJ. In a way.

"Right. Now I'm only going to explain this once, and you better listen to me." She stood her ground, directing a threatening finger at him.

Beetlejuice was baffled. She wanted to laugh at the wild way he looked around the room and stomped his feet like a child.

"Oh Come On! Ya tease me, you promise to marry me if I saved your damn friends, ya squelch on me, feed me to a god damn sandworm and now… ya give me a bit of heaven only to threaten me with my MOM?!"

Now, this did make Lydia laugh, which of course, confused the ghost more and more. 

"You're kidding, right?" She gave the room a once over to look for something, anything to give her a clue about the Lydia who lived here. She poked around, opening and closing doors.

"You ain't sending me back?"

"Only if you try that weird sexual stuff again." She tried not to snort at his disappointment. "You are so different."

As her hand touched the closet to open it up, she jumped back when a compressed fluff of red twill expanded beyond the door frame. Was that a … wedding dress? Lydia turned to look back at the smug-looking ghost.

"What?" She challenged, 

“Don’t you wanna try it on? Get … reacquainted?” He hissed between his words in the way that said she needed to take the bait.

“Why would I put on a wedding dress?” Lydia began to laugh as she examined the ruffles and let her fingers glide along the seams. “Spider silk. Neitherworld New Yuck quality. Wow. This is extravagant, why…”

The sound of low and menacing hiss startled her enough to return her attention to the man in the room. Perhaps it was the sudden loss of that goofy smile or the fact that he looked downright mistrustful, but Lydia could sense that she was in danger. His nose scrunched and lips pulled back exposing decaying fangs not too far off of those a rattlesnake would bare to an enemy. This was a rage she rarely ever saw from her lovable ghoul and it only ever meant trouble for the one on the receiving end.

"BJ," she said softly when he approached her with predatory grace. He forced her back against a wall with one hand on her throat and the other holding firmly on the hand she pressed into his chest. Feeble attempt as it was, she tried to force him back with the pressure of her palm against his unbeating heart.

She made to say something but stopped as he forced her back into the wall with determination, his harsh shush silencing her.

"Who are you and what have you done with Lydia Deetz!" The ghost growled, his lips curled up in a snarl. This was, most assuredly, not her Beetlejuice.

"I am Lydia Deetz!" She screamed at him. 

"Not! I remember that kid. Ok, she was one bridge away from suicide."

Suicide? That’s impossible. She had never been suicidal just miserable. Sad and lonely but never to that level of depression. Beej never let her go that far. Her BJ. Lydia squeezed her eyes shut, "No."

"Yes!”

Lydia didn’t think his voice could ever be so dark and threatening. “That girl made a deal to marry me and squelched on it! She would have gotten rid of the moment she realized I was here to collect but you- YOU!"

He pressed his body against her to really let it sink in that she was at his mercy but all it did was give her an opening. With a sudden motion, Lydia stomped onto his foot and escaped his grasp while he jumped around the bedroom, holding his injured limb. He swearing would have been comical had he not been a mere moment away from strangling her.

"You are not MY Beetlejuice!" She screamed at him. No fear in her posture or stance. Why would she fear him? Three words. That’s all it took. Lydia Deetz had all the power in her mortal body and based on the way the Ghost was moping and grumbling, he knew it.

"No, shit?!" He snarled.

A surge of courage pushed her forward as she advanced on the moldy ghost, grabbing him by his tie like she had so many times before only this time instead of the surprised and flushed face of her sweet ghost this one gaped at her with dislike and distrust. His lip pulled back just as her own set in a firm line.

"You are not my ghost, but I need your help, and if you so much as touch me again…"

"What? You gonna call my 'mom'?" He snorted at her, but she retaliated by yanking on his tie, surprising him if his wide-eyed expression and subsequent snarl gave her an indication.

"If your world is anything like mine, then I only have two words to say."

He narrowed his eyes on her, daring her to continue. Though the pleasure at seeing his face undergo a series of expressions at the utterance of a single name was worth it all. 

* * *

"Prince Vince."

Those words on her lips curled his frozen blood. How did she know that worm? He was hardly more than a figurehead, but that head held a lot of sway with the departments that governed the hereafter. 

Betelgeuse was a sly bastard. A rogue and philanderer. Something he was rather proud to flaunt when the opportunity presented itself. He knew every loophole in the system but what he didn't know, well...

This was pretty much it. Something happened to Edgar Allen Poe's Daughter. Betel had been around long enough to know that mortals change, and then there's the whole memory, rose-colored glasses, shit, but this was something altogether different.

She knew him. She recognized him. HELL- She kissed him back.

This little girl was not the same kid he tried to wrangle into the marriage web. This imposter knew the fabric and origins of the stupid silk in the fucking wedding gown he picked for his bride. 

Nothing but the best for his choice of woman. So what if she was young. He had plans for Lydia Deetz and most of them involved that same dress on the floor and now here she was, tugging him around like a pussy-whipped puppy.

Who was she?

The intrigue swayed him just enough for his curiosity to pique as she thin, frail version of the bride he coveted, searched the room for more secrets. She discovered a thick coat that covered her form hiding her tempting curves from him. Somehow she knew that it would distract him as she grinned when she noted his displeasure at the loss.

“If I’m going to be around you,” she punctuated the word with a poke to his chest, “I need to cover up.”

“Why?” He leered at the Not-Lydia. “Afraid I’m gonna grab something?”

Laughing, yes laughing, the girl shoved him. “You would. Now let’s get going. I need to figure out how to get back to MY Beetle-“

“Don’t!” He stopped her with a hand to her mouth but found that she only smiled under the moss and grave dirt crusted flesh. Her small hands curled around his and pulled them away.

“I know the rules. Now come on… the Afterlife Affairs office is worse than the DMV and if you are anything like my BJ then I know we are going to get sent to the back of the line.”

How she knew that Beetlejuice had no clue but curiosity killed the cat and he wasn’t above a little torture.

* * *

Deadly Vu didn't even begin to describe the sights around her upon entering the surrealistic world of the dead. Her previous exploits with Beej provided Lydia with the ability to remain calm and keep a neutral expression. To which at this moment she was successful. inside, however, the story was much different.

The dead had been strange and unusual before but, Oz be damned, NOTHING could have prepared her for the gruesome sight of half mutilated bodies and accidents that could turn a normal person's stomach. Even Betelgeuse had remanents of some horrifying death about him though she was able to let that pass with not much more than a shiver on her part.

He had kissed her, Lydia reminded herself with a touch of fingers to her lips. The moss or mold on the size of his mouth should have made her gag or at least recoil from the hand he gently slipped over her shoulder when they entered the waiting room for ghosts who needed help.

Those ghosts looked up to see the new arrival but quickly returned to their magazines and handbooks with looks of annoyance. Sure enough, those looks were directed to the ghost who approached the service window and rapped on it with his knuckles.

the door slid open with force, revealing a green-skinned woman dressed more for pageantry rather than a desk job.   
  


“What do you want?” She sneered at Betelgeuse. “And you, what are you doing here? We don’t serve the living.”

”Aww and here I thought you would appreciate having my sexy ass back in your clutches. What’s it been? Two years?” The smarmy gaze bore into the dead woman with lust and what appeared to be distaste.

Lydia scrunched her nose and pushed Betel's arm off of her, Mumbling, “The same no matter where we go.”

“It has been one year and six months and you are on probation. What is wrong with you? I’ve had actual brain-damaged ghosts in here with more sense than you.” The receptionist's eyes returned to Lydia. “Did he kidnap you?”

A slow wry smile grew on Lydia’s black and red lips. “No mam, I’m lost. Betel- Ah - That is, BJ here only did what I asked.”

”Go home, girl. We can’t help you.”

Lydia huffed and placed her hands on the countertop. “Look. I know I’m not dead but I’m also not here because I want to be. I want to get back to my U-ni-verse.”

Betelgeuse laughed and returned his hands to the girl's shoulder. “I love a gal who knows what she wants.”

Lydia’s cheeks flushed with her life’s blood briefly before shrugging him off again. "I'm Lydia Deetz. Resident of Peaceful Pines, Connecticut and ... Friend to one Beetle-Juice. -Don't put your hand on my mouth again, I swear I will bite you.- Now if you please, I need help getting back to my own universe to my own ghost and somehow return the Lydia Deetz of this world."

This caught attention of all the ghosts in the room, many of which were openly gawking at the sheepish reaction of Betelgeuse being scolded by a teenager. If it were merely for the yelling, perhaps they wouldn't have drawn so much attention but Lydia was used to the uncomfortable comments dead people made when they knew Lydia willingly spent time with the ghost with the most.

"Uh... yeah." Betel tried to recover his dignity with a tug at his tie. "What the lady said."

Awkward moments passed as the receptionist narrowed her eyes at the two before groaning out her resignation. 

"Fine. Take a number and we will try to get back to you before you perish."


	4. Even More Strange and Unusual

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It may be a short chapter but things just get more confusing from this point on...

"I could have sworn I saw a book," The ghost said again when Lydia didn't respond. "I get it; you don't wanna get caught playin' with magic."

"No. I didn't." Lydia began once the shock of the familiarity between them ebbed. "Betel-"

She stopped when his attention snapped back in her direction. His eyes were showing curiosity and attentiveness, almost like a helpless puppy. Lydia was half expecting to see the ghost of her timeline. With his grimace and distaste for even a mention of his name.

"You ok there?" His voice rumbled with a gruffness that belied the affection. It left her breathless. 

"Yeah. I just … " Lydia paused when the ghost took a step closer into her space. His hand cupped under her chin, lifting her to meet those puppy dog eyes. Her breath hitched as his hand curved to behind her head to force her forehead to touch his. 

"Just what?"

"Um… are you. Are we?" Her words didn't want to come out though she wanted so badly to ask him about the history of this world. Their history. Why was he so gentle with her and… did he just kiss her forehead?

"Cats got your tongue. Hehehe. Alright let's get moving, I can't wait to see the look on D's face. I don't get the sudden makeover thing, but the more black, the better and boy she is gonna love this."

With a yelp, she lunged forward as he pulled her down the hallways of an unfamiliar house. There were no signs of Delia's artistic decor. It looked modern. Too modern. Is this a different timeline as well as a different universe? 

So strange to think that there is another Lydia…

Lydia stopped in her tracks forcing the ghost to stumble backward.

"Hey, what's up Babe?"

"Lydia." She corrected him. "I'm not Babe. God, is that how you talk to your Lydia?"

"My Lydia? My… wait… am I missing somethin?" Beetlejuice looked up and down. All around in a circle, further embodying the puppy dog stereotype by chasing his metaphoric tail. "Ok, where is the hidden camera?"

Baffled by the reaction, she scoffed like a petulant child. 

"God, you are so weird. Are you always so manic?" She snorted when he jumped back into her personal space, giving her a long sniff. 

"Holy shit! Your, not Lydia. Ok, I get that some shows have an understudy for the main role, but this is…"

Lydia laughed loudly, snort included. 

"What? did I miss the joke?" 

"There is no joke Betelgeuse. Aside from this universe."

He looked almost offended, and by the way, his jaw dropped; she knew she succeeded in silencing him even if for just a moment, and though part of her wanted to explore this new environment, Lydia knew she had to ask her questions before the spell ended. However long that would take. She wasn't even sure how to get home. 

"I have to ask you something." She said in an attempt to break the tense air between them.

"Uh, uh, first, you need to tell me where MY WIFE went."

Lydia felt her jaw go slack with those words." You did it. Barbra didn't stop you? Mr. and Mrs. Maitland… Are they gone?"

"They are probably gettin' busy in the attic. Or sleeping. They are b-oring! I get it; they are vanilla meets white bread but damn, talk about a lame sex life. I was kinda hoping Delia would get those two into an orgy just so I have some entertainment, know what I mean?"

Disgusted, Lydia scrunched up her face and turned away from him. 

"So, they didn't stop you from marrying me, and now we are all stuck in this house… Together?"

"Stop the wedding! Are you kidding me? Babes, that was the best con I have ever seen in my afterlife. You, I mean, Lydia. My Lydia. Holy shit, this is confusing."

"Tell me about it." 

"Why the fuck should I tell you anything. Bring back my wife now." Beetlejuice began to glow with an unearthly light, while the air around them began to compress in a blanket of pressure. Not that his intimidation tactic worked. On the contrary, his attempt amused her. 

"Hate to break it to you," Lydia said with a wave of her hand and shrugged, "but I don't know where she is."

* * *

  
  


This chick had to be kidding him. How could this alternate version of his babes show up in the exact spot where Lydia sat not just moments ago. He didn't even notice the transition. The temporal and spatial shifts!

Nothing made sense, and this was starting to anger him more than the thought of his Lydia leaping into the asshole of hell. 

Then she sassed him, just like his young bride. She had no fear, and yet, she was intimidated when he first touched her. Now the imposter was giving him attitude. He hated that it was kind of a turn on.

"How do I get her back." He snapped at her, instantly regretting it when he saw the Not-Lydia hide her face. 

"I barely know how I got here. I just wanted to make sure I didn't make a mistake."

Beetlejuice could sense he touched a nerve, but he didn't give a shit, so he plowed forward. He reached out to get her to face him and griped her once again by the shoulders. He was surprised at how thin the girl's shoulders were and softened his grasp so as not to cause any lasting bruises.

"You and I are gonna have a long talk." He said.

Not-Lydia looked at him with wide brown eyes. She appeared to be working something out as she scanned him over. "You care about her. Your Lydia. You love her?"

For once in his afterlife, he was glad he was dead because those words could break the heart of any mortal man. Struck deep with the feelings, he wanted to squeeze the girl for no reason other than he saw the invisible girl his Babe used to be. 

How had he become so soft? Disgusting.

Beetlejuice didn't answer her. Instead, he released and backed up, putting space between them as if she were an untamed wildfire. Too bad. She was kinda soft and warm and so much like… no. Nope. Hold it in, Lawrence. Don't fuck things up. 

Of course, that is when the girl reached out to touch HIM! Tiny fingers tugging on his coat sleeves forced his defensive wall to crumble.

"Tell me about your Lydia." She asked.

That's when he knew; he was done for.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, I resigned my full-time job to be a freelance artist and media consultant. 
> 
> This means more time for me to work on fanfiction and my channel and podcast. I would appreciate any support you could give me whether it's a subscribe to the channel and podcast or a Ko-fi, I will love and appreciate you so much. 
> 
> You guys can catch me on my tumblr blog Bd-z, or you can catch me on my website (along with my shows) at zellykat.com 
> 
> I am going to be loading up some new episodes and videos soon! 
> 
> Oh, and I like comments :)


	5. Multiverse Chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Musical Lydia and Toon Beej don't exactly see eye to eye.

Beetlejuice flailed around in his attempts to pick up his jaw while the girl stood there watching him.

He nearly dropped it again when his eyes came across questionable images of himself and Lydia entangled on the pages of one of the alternate realities scattered across the ground. The shriek that left him rattled the shelving above them, knocking a few more books down in the process.

“What’s your problem?” Lydia spoke, but this was not his Lydia. NOT his Babes. This girl radiated an aura of trouble and cruelty that his Babes would never dream of and yet… she looked so much like his Lyds. That annoyed him.

“My problem!?” He screeched and pointed a threatening finger at the imposter. “What did you do with LYDIA?!”

The girl scoffed at his accusation and propped her hands on her hips, standing her ground against him as he raged. Beetlejuice recognized the posture and growled when she kicked the book with the pornographic images out of the way and began searching the ground.

“I didn’t do squat, Beetle Boy. Equal trading metaphysical bullshit. Not my idea…” Her voice dropped as she scanned the pages of another book that looked freshly written. “Oh my god. Are we involved in every universe?”

Lydia tossed the book aside and snarled at how much of a mess he had created.

Beetlejuice glanced around at the multiverse below him, completely unimpressed by the lack of chaos and dirt. Who did this kid think she was? Calling him a mess when this was the cleanest he had been in ages. Hell, he brushed his damn teeth. He should get some credit for that at least. 

The only qualification of a disaster stood right in front of him, dressed in black lace and a shorter than usual haircut. This version of his best friend made him itch. Not in a good way, or bad way or any way he ever felt before. This itch was sort of, uncomfortable as in a guilt kind of way. How could he bring his Babes to this place and not expect something like this to happen?

Ok. It was a bad itch.

He didn’t like the way this imposter scrunched up her nose at the prospect of their involvement. He for one was proud that Lydia would always be his, regardless of timeline or universe. He wanted to know what possibilities were out there but now… now his brain began formulating a series of questions that began to pile up. Each burning inquiry began to fill in the available spaces inside his skull. It was starting to hurt.

“So,” the other Lydia broke through his thoughts as they began pressing against his cranium. He didn’t think he could take much more. “Are we married here too?”

Beetlejuice’s head exploded. 

* * *

Disgusting. 

This version of her husband is pathetic.

How on earth could there be no brain splatters? No blood even. How could someone’s head literally blow up and not become a gruesome mess? Lydia would be lying if she said she wasn’t disappointed. At least her BJ would expose his disgusting brain and he had the decency to bleed whenever she gave him a good slash. Heck, the first time she pushed him off the house and heard the splat was probably the coolest thing BJ had ever done for her. 

This guy… he was too damn soft. Sure, he was gross but not in a creepy old guy kind of way. This was like, Gross middle-aged man with a child complex kind of creepy. He didn’t even leer at her. 

“I will take that as a no,” she replied when the ghost managed to replace his head. His face remained dumbfounded and flushed.

“What do you mean married!?” He blurted. God, was he always this whiny?

“Just what I said, it’s not brain science. And here I thought MY demon was overdramatic.” 

With a shake of her head, Lydia left the pile of books and papers and reached out to grab at the lapel of Beetlejuice’s jacket. “Come on.”

“Now wait just one second!” Beetlejuice screeched. “You didn’t answer my question. I want my Lydia back right now.”

“Do I look like I give a shit?”

Surprised, Lydia watched as Beetlejuice deflated before her as those words. His shoulders dropped and his spine curved in till he was completely slumped down and began melting into nothing more than a puddle of ooze. 

This was not going as planned. Go figure she would get stuck with a version of BJ that was nothing more than a glorified striped clown.

“Get up. I’ll get back home soon but I came here to find out some things about - well - us. Kind of.”

“But…”

“No buts. Move it Bug Boy.” She didn’t give him much of an opportunity to fight back. After the time she spent being married to a demon, Lydia picked up a few tricks. Handling men came easily to her thanks to Dead Mom. Emily was indeed a force to be reckoned with and that storm trickled down to her strange creation. Lydia forced the ghost in front of her, commanding him to take her to someone who knew how to navigate this place. 

Soon they were standing in front of a three-headed archivist who regarded Lydia with a toothy grin. 

“I take it you found what you were looking for.” 

Beetlejuice blanched but remained silent. Good, Lydia thought, I can get more done if he keeps his mouth shut.

“How long do these spells last?” Her voice was more of a demand than an inquiry but the archivist merely blinked and chuckled. “I’m not joking around. I have questions and “lover boy” back here is useless.”

“Hey!” He shouted. “I will have you know, I’m the ghost with THE most, toots. Yo! Archy! How do I get rid of her?”

“You don’t.” The Archivist said, cutting off any argument Lydia may have been ready to spout. Unsurprisingly, those two words silenced the duo. Lydia’s lips pressed together in a thin line.

“What do you know about the spell that sent me here?” she asked. Perhaps those “life coach” lessons were paying off. She didn’t feel the need to aggressively beat the answers out of the Archivist. Beetlejuice on the other hand…

“I don’t know anything about the spells you cast.”    
  
Think again, Lydia. Her inner voice yelled out bringing out her impatience. “Then how did you know I was looking for something?”

“You mortals are clueless. Next in line.”   
  
“Hey, I was talking to you!” Lydia waved her hands in the Archivist’s face. Two of the heads turned away to greet the next person, leaving only one to face Lydia. 

“Books are to be returned to the facility within a week.”

Beetlejuice snarled at the dismissal and zoomed back to the aisle. Lydia hollered at him to return but he ignored her. She didn’t have much of a choice at that point. The archivist was no longer paying her any attention and the creepy looking monsters were starting to eye her like she was their next meal. Better the monster you think you know…

* * *

Beetlejuice was angry. Irrational. Irate. PISSED. How could he do this? Why did he bring Lydia to this place? How the hell was he going to get her back? This was NOT happening.

He zoomed down the aisle so fast he nearly bypassed the mass of books and papers. He quickly backtracked and seized the book worms that began nibbling at the corner of one of the abandoned books. 

“Beat it.” He yelled at the poor shivering critter then threw one of his gut-busting scary faces at it for good measure causing all the book worms within scaring distance to bolt off-screen. 

“Come on Babes, I know you are in here somewhere. Come on, come on, come on. Lydia!!”

“Geeze, could you scream any louder?” 

Beetlejuice’s neck nearly snapped as he snarled at the imposter. “Why don’t you just go back where you came from?”

At any other time, Beetlejuice wouldn’t have felt a single ounce of remorse for snapping at someone. He couldn’t be bothered, wouldn’t be bothered but the slight drop in the girl’s face. The disappointment struck him. As her eyes flitted away from him, he could practically feel the remorse radiating off of her. 

The sensation was made all that much worse when he really took a good look at her. She was still Lydia.

“Look, I know you’re upset.” 

BJ turned his face away.

“God, you are just as moody… look, I’m not going to replace the other me. I’m here for a reason.”

He grumbled to himself as he began picking up books that looked promising. If he had to take them all back to the Roadhouse to find a way to get Lyds back then so be it. He would - gulp- read everything. Including the boring bits. The things he did for Babes. 

“Alright, Ignore me. At least let me help you get these up off the-”

“Grrr... Alright! Fine. If you have her juice then say the words.” Beetlejuice held a large stack of books that could nearly crush him. “Go one. Three words.”

The Lydia before him narrowed her gaze at him, “You want me to say your name?”

“Don’t tell me I gotta play charades with you too. Come on! It’s written all over these books. Say the words and …”

He didn’t even get the chance to finish his rant as the world swirled around them. 


	6. Three Ways of Bonding

“So I was like, I don’t buy it and she was all, but I really do love you. You’re creepy and gross and I totally dig it so let’s skip all the ceremony words and get to the “I do’s”. Then I came alive, got all happy, then sad, then angry and fuck... The next thing I knew I had a pole sticking outta my heart. Never been more turned on in my entire three minutes of life. And that’s the story of how Lydia and I got married.”

Beetlejuice bounced around in place, grateful for the captive audience while Lydia Deetz sat upon his musty basement couch. Her jaw hung open in rapt attention, a slight curl to her lips proved that she wasn’t completely disgusted. 

“She tricked you, married you, and killed you?” He could hear the awe in her voice followed by a snort of laughter. “This is so bizarre. How much blood was there?”

“None! Go figure, I was kinda disappointed too. Lydia said I smelled bad though so maybe the blood dried into some sort of ectoplasmic stench. We still haven’t been able to figure out if I’m alive, dead, ghost, or demon. I ain’t allowed back downstairs, ya know what I mean?”

The girl who looked so much like his wife stood up, crossing the room quickly to poked his chest with a single finger. He felt his guts twist as he fought to control his urge to make a pass at her.

“Is there a scar?” She asked. “Can I see it? Is it all bloody and night of the living dead under there?”

He didn’t have the heart, literally, to stop her as she tugged open his shirt to look for the damage to his undead flesh. However, he did have the balls to laugh at the look of disappointment on her face when she saw nothing but his fuzz and mold-covered flesh. Lydia pushed him back. 

“Got yourself a little twisted streak yourself, I see. I love it.” Beetlejuice cackled as he buttoned up his shirt and straightened his tie. “So, Living Girl who looks like my wife, what’s your story? Got yourself a handsome demon waiting to jump your bones when ya get back home?”

She snorted and rolled her eyes. He was almost disappointed and yet slightly intrigued when she said, “Not exactly.”

“Oh? I am sensing something juicy. Spill it, I gotta hear this.” 

* * *

Bemused, Lydia watched as this wild man adjusted his shirt and practically threw himself across three feet of space to land upon the couch. He crossed his legs and leaned his elbows upon them as he devoted all his attention to her and the story that will most likely disappoint him.

She smoothed out her dress and sighed as she returned to sit beside him. He didn’t feel so dangerous now that she got to know him. In fact, he was a lot more entertaining than her ghostly parental figures back home. 

Not that she didn’t appreciate them but they were far too normal for her twisted expectation of death. Kind of like HIM.

“When Betel… Um…” She hesitated when he leaned in closer. Her heart skipped a beat while the tingle of a flush began to rise up and burn at her cheeks. Invested in her story, he didn’t even bother to stop her from saying his name. Still, his striped suit and feral eyes put a stop on the name before it could completely escape her lips.

“He didn’t trick me into exorcising Mr. and Mrs. Maitland. Delia has this friend and he got a hold of the handbook. I really didn’t think he could do anything. I mean, he can’t even change a tire, let alone decorate with any sense of functionality.”

“The Ya-hoo Dildo lives in your world too? Shit.”

Lydia laughed, “What?”

He chuckled along with her but before he could explain the bizarre nickname, he turned his head towards the basement door as if he could hear someone approaching.    
  
Then, without warning, Beetlejuice jumped up heading for the stairs. He placed his hands on the door and, in a moment, she understood. The doorknob began to twist and a forceful pound hit the weathered wood. There was a female voice calling Beetlejuice but the sound was more annoyed than ferocious. 

“Open up, Beetlejuice.” She called. “I know you are there and Lydia better not be in there with you. You guys know the rules.” The voice called out. “I mean it. She should have been in bed and she isn’t.”

Lydia could felt a tinge of embarrassment as she realized she had spent the entire night talking to this ghost. Had it really been that long? Why wasn’t she sleepy? 

Another voice, a male, began to speak. He was addressing the woman who was trying to find the girl whom Lydia swapped places with. Guilt began to creep up on her.

“Barbra, as much as I appreciate your care for my daughter, I would rather not think of those two spending time in the basement together. Rules or not, please. Don’t force them to come out of there. If she is in there, that is.”

“Yeah, Back off Babs. Give the B man some jerk off time in peace! Unless you want me to get weird outside your attic door again. I will make sure you can’t soundproof the walls. Amateurs.” 

He said that last part under his breath and cackled when he heard the squeals of disgust as the ghost on the other side abandoned all attempts at twisting the knob.

Lydia couldn’t help the unladylike snort that escaped her at these antics. But when she did so, his attention zeroed in on her. His grin grew to feral proportions, similar to the look one given to her by a snake. A monster slithering along the rails and nearly floating as he snarled and hissed, pulling at a fear she had never known before. 

It was the only time she had ever truly been afraid.

Quickly she averted her gaze, waiting till the ghost was finished taunting the others within the home. Her breathing became shaky due to the overwhelming conflicted feelings of humor and fear that jolted through her body. 

“Looking a little shaken there, kid.” Beetlejuice had returned to take up space beside her on the musty beaten sofa. “I get it. Yer probably missing yer folks. Listen, these guys here are sweet but they have nothing on me. That’s the one thing I never got about Lyds. It’s like, she  _ wants  _ to keep her parents happy.”

“It’s family.” She replies softly. “Dad, Delia, Adam, Barbra.”

“Yeah, sure, whatever? You wanna tell me about your ghost? Is he just as sexy as yours truly? Good in the sack? Cuz I’m a very sexual being and I wouldn’t mind getting to know myself…”

Lydia scrunched her nose, “Eww God no. I mean…. No, I wouldn’t know. No. I don’t want to know.”

“Ok….” 

Lydia vacated her space beside him and paced the room while she tried to put her story together. That’s all that this was, story sharing. She wasn’t ready yet: she couldn’t call him. If he was anything like this… man. 

* * *

The waiting room… A dull limbo between dead and dead. A place where you don’t really exist until your number is called. It was the last place Betelgeuse wanted to be sitting. Hell, He had been sitting there for years waiting on the papers that proved his marriage went through. 

A marriage, he found out soon after, needed a proper kiss to seal the deal. A kiss that he gave to this gal who looked so much like the kid who promised to be his wife. She wasn’t half bad. In fact, he was pretty sure this chick might even be easier to get into the sac if he cozied up to her. Nice and slow. He had to remember that. Chicks didn’t like it when you grab them before they were ready.

Getting slapped at least once a day since his wedding taught him that much at least. 

The girl, the young woman who called herself Lydia was currently speaking to one of the other dead guys in the room. She was fascinated by the impaled corpse asking questions that would make Betelgeuse a target for violent retaliation.

She had a way with the dead. He was impressed with her and the ease in which she spoke to the dead. Not even the girl who he made a deal with had been this comfortable around the do-gooder Maitlands. Especially when they broke up their very first  tête-à-tête. 

His eyes roamed over this girl's figure, draped in a red fabric that hid her body from a direct view of her curves. Damn, those were tempting curves. His lips curled up in a snarling grin as he imagined all the things he could do to a body like that.

“You might want to put those eyes back in your head BJ.” The girl said to him with a slight giggle in her voice. “I don’t think the other me would take to kindly to cheaters.”

Startled, he sat up and feigned innocence. “What? I was just thinkin’. No harm. No touchin’. Listen, You might wanna come back over here where it’s safe. Can’t trust any of these dead beats, know what I mean?”

Lydia laughed and returned to him, she held a magazine that she initially had intended to pick up when she started socializing. Her body swayed with each step and he could feel himself go hard at the thought. Fuck… he really needed to get laid. 

“Down boy,” Lydia said to him with a gentle thwack of the magazine. “Keep it in your pants. I’m not that kind of girl.”

“Fuckin’ killin’ me here. What do I gotta do to strike a deal with ya. 10 - no - 40 minutes. Just enough to take the edge off.” He twisted so that he could lay on the full effect of his pout. He soon began to chew on his bottom lip the way he had when he was begging the other Lydia to say his name. And just like the other Lydia, this one was cock teasing him to the point that he was ready to come undone with a flick of her gaze.

She looked like she was considering when a blush crossed her face and she turned away from him. “Sorry, Betel. Can’t. I’m not ready for that sort of…”

“Are you trying to tell me you haven't fucked a ghost yet? You're missing out.”

Those words had an effect on the girl as her eyes grew wide in both horror and intrigue. She turned bright red like only the living could do and if the way she was attempting to speak was any indication, she was going dry at the mouth.

He could fix that.

His menacing smirk grew and his hand reached out to caress her thigh. “Come on, Babe.”

This was too much, he soon realized as she didn’t take this next thwack lightly. She stood up and crossed the room to the receptionist window. Fuck. He needed to smooth this one over. 

“Hey, Lyds. I’m kidding. Come on back. Have a seat, I swear. I’ll keep my hands to myself.”

“I’d sooner trust a crocodile, BJ.” She snapped back at him but her hands knocked on the window only to have her greeted by the irritated face of Miss Argentina.

“What do you want?” The woman glared at Lydia’s flushed face then back to the guilty expression on Betelgeuse's face. He did his best to hide it but to no avail. She saw and that bitch had the balls…..

“Someone finally put you in your place, I see.” She said to him before returning to Lydia. “I’m sorry, there is no news. All caseworkers are still busy. Perhaps, if you would leave me your contact, we can summon you to return to this place-”

“No, I’m staying here. I don’t want to be alone. Not with…”

Miss Argentina’s smug look shot back to Betelgeuse. “Not even your wife can stand you”

“She’s not my wife,” He said at the same time Lydia made her correction. They both frowned at each other as the receptionist and all the ghosts in the waiting room laughed. 

“Ya know what. To hell with this shit, here.” He left his chair and threw his business card at Miss Argentina, narrowly making it into the fold of her cleavage. “Take my contact. The kid and I are out of here.”

“What? No!” She cried but she didn’t get much of a say as the world swirled around her and she found herself inside a musty old crypt. This was not the Roadhouse.

* * *

Back at the Roadhouse, Beetlejuice and Lydia Deetz were pouring over the many texts and images that could point them into the right universe. The ghost was determined to get his Lydia back and she wondered, briefly, if her former demon was doing the same for her.

She could only wonder what he was doing now and after each and every alternate path that she read in the volumes that littered the table and floor, she began to realize that they were always meant to be. What that was, seemed to be all over the place. Literally.

Lydia could read between every line. Some where they were merely friends, some where they were lovers but all of them had a sense of comradery that made her long for the monster in her basement. Had she made a mistake? Should she have just let things progress but after the reading an alternate version of her reality? One where their three-day scare-a-thon was filled with debauchery and lust. The only universe to make her face turn as red as blood.

However she wasn’t the only one, the other Beetlejuice, the weirdo across from her with a purplish hue to his skin had become flushed deep crimson and refused to look at her for hours.

Whatever he was reading was much more than mere friendship, that much was for certain.

“So…” She began. “Did you find her?”

“What?” The ghost snapped out of the text he was lost in and quickly averted his eyes. “No no, uh, yeah. Nothin’. What about you? I mean, Babes has to be here somewhere.”

“She might not.” 

That was not the smartest thing to say because the ghost bristled and glared at her. She only smiled at him in return. 

“You really like her.”

“Like? Yech, what does like have to do with anything. I mean, she’s Babes. She’s..”

“Your girlfriend.” Oh that’s right, she was going to poke the beast but he didn’t respond to it. Instead, he focused his attention on yet another book. 

“Wait a second. You guys never talk about it. Does she even know?”

Beetlejuice frowned, looking at her like she had some sort of angle. An ulterior motive. Lydia couldn’t stop the self-satisfied smirk from growing as she became more and more suspicious. 

He closed the book and leaned forward to close distance, eyeing her in a way that indicated a challenge. Now, this was something she could relate too. A challenge.

“Have you told her that you love her yet?” Lydia pressed becoming even more certain of her claims as he narrowed in on her. 

“Lyds knows what she knows. What do you know about it? Love is for shmucks anyway. Did your dirtbag ever tell ya? Huh?”

They glared at each other evenly for what felt like minutes but probably was only about five seconds before a voice broke up their staring content.

“Oh for heaven sakes. Beetlejuice just answer the girl! You know very well that you are in love with Lydia.”

A spider fell between them on top of the books stacked upon the table. Bright, pink and very pretty if Lydia could have gotten the words out. However, the shock of a talking spider froze her on the spot, her jaw hanging open like it did the first time she saw the Maitlands roaming the halls of her house.

“Beat it Ginger. We’re busy.”

“Mon dieu, Beetlejuice, you know very well that you are in love with Lydia. We ‘ave all seen it.” A skeleton, an actual skeleton walked into the room and glared in their direction. “Excuse-Moi Mademoiselle, mais… who are you? And why do you look so much like Lydia?”

“Yeah, you are so close. Are you family? Beetlejuice, don’t tell me you are starting to bring more living people to the neitherworld? I thought you promised Lydia that you wouldn’t ever since Claire -”

“Gaaaahhh, will you guys just bug off already?” Beetlejuice hollered. “Lydia is gone and I’m trying to find her.”

“Wow. You really are like BJ.” Amused, Lydia stood up and dusted off the dirt that clung to her skirt. “Hi, I’m Lydia. A different Lydia. Sorry to drop in on you.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
